Or the suggestion that maybe you hadn’t visited because Bookworm’s room was too messy to navigate - that was pure gold. That one time you forgot to visit, then made me go up to Tiny’s bedroom (while she sobbed into her cereal) to “find” the money on the floor where it had “fallen”? Genius. I will say I admire your creativity in covering for yourself and think you might have a bright future in criminology. Is there a hierarchy, and do tooth fairies get more generous as pay increases? Cause I’ve gotta say - Sally loses an incisor and comes rolling past the school pickup line with diamond earrings and new rims on her two-wheeler, but my kids only have enough to buy half a Snicker’s bar from the vending machine. Is there just one of you, or do you outsource? Is it more of a Santa-and-the-Elves situation, and if so, which lucky kids get the Queen Tooth Fairy and how do I reach her? I would love if you could enlighten me on that issue, but before you go I have some questions about your organization that you can hopefully address: Did you forget? Are your powers of omniscience waning and you didn’t know the tooth was missing? Too busy? Migraine? This is at least the fifth time that one of my three girls has woken up in joyful anticipation of some cold cash under her pillow only to find her tooth still there. After months - nay, years! - of holding out for an improvement in your performance, I am regretfully writing to inform you of your termination, effective immediately.
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